We're facebook friends in real life
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
