So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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