dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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