Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
