I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
