Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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