Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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