I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
