You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i barfeds in our rink
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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