I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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