I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
