I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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