I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
