cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
