she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
