guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
