You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
