No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
another moral hangover. fuck.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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