I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
