I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
