My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
