i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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