If that was your dad, he is hot
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
