More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
