I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
