mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't put those talents on a resume
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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