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My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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