I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wanna go halves on a baby?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he thought i was a dude.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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