are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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