Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
