why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
