I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
