you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
