He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
