You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
