Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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