Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
