I wish I only lived at night.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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