So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
