Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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