I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
