it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
