I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
