Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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