i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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