Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
