he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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