my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
