Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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