her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
