ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
